Naruto the Zombie King
by fairy tail dragon slayer
Summary: Naruto Uzumaki has lived a long unlife, and now that his unlife is perfect, a hot girlfriend, a lot of money, and a good school, things turn sour as his world is flooded with zombies... again.
1. Chapter 1 Site Glitching on this Story

_**Disclaimer: Naruto X HOTD - I own neither  
The site is glitching on the story for some reason.**_  
_**Story Start!**_

"Ahhhhhhhh!" The dead sound of a raspy and low voice moaned out loudly as a slow moving man walked through the house in shaky steps. The figure was facing towards the door, and the figure was revealed to be a young boy of around 17 years old. His blond hair spiked up into the air, and his skin was both tan and pale at the same time. He was a naturally tan person that looked like he was suffering from light bloodloss. His steps were shaking even more, and he showed dull blue eyes that looked like he couldn't focus on anything in front of him. He bumped into a doorway, before he entered a room and stepped in front of the mirror and grunted.

This was Naruto Uzumaki... and he was a Zombie.

Kind of.

The whites of his eyes were pitch black. Three whisker marks on his face showed another strange feature of his. To be more precise, Naruto was not a traditional Zombie in the sense that he was a brainless fool that sought out to eat the living. In all actuality, Naruto much prefered beef over humans any day of the week. The thing about him though, was that Naruto Uzumaki was the living dead. His body worked exactly like it had when he had been alive, but he simply had no heartbeat. His body worked the same as it had when he had been alive, though he had none of the chakra he had when he had been a true member of the living. Naruto grunted lightly as he reached up and started to mess with his hair.

Yeah, in the morning he wasn't the smartest of people.

He had been the living dead for about... well he had been among the undead for a few hundred years now. He had gained lots of life experience, and he hadn't aged a day over the day he had died... how had he died again? Naruto didn't remember exactly, but he was sure it had something to do with the fact that he had a scar above his heart that was shaped like a strange hole. Nowadays whenever he got his body injured, it just healed right away, so he couldn't enjoy death anymore. He could feel both pleasure and pain, but he couldn't die even if his enmtire body was atomized into nothing... which it had been once before by accident. He just returned to exactly like he had been before he blew up.

Even though he was a hundreds, or maybe thousands, years old Zombie Naruto still liked to consider himself a normal teenager.

He had people to help him with that as well, a family that had been forging new fake information for the last few hundred years so that he could fit into modern society. He was a people person, and nobody could tell him otherwise. He was just your average, everyday, zombie teenager. He liked to go to the movies, eat lunch with his friends, and girls... even more so his girlfriend. He liked her a lot more than he did... okay, who was his first girlfriend again? Naruto couldn't remember much passed the last few hundred years. The radiation that had hit him from the atomic bomb that blew him up that one time had messed with his memory so bad, even though that was only like 60 or 70 years ago.

Naruto got out some paint from the cabinet, before he got a brush and started to paint the black parts of his eye white. It was his way of fitting in better, and if it came off in the middle of the day he would wear sunglasses. He was wearing a black school jacket with an orange V-neck T-shirt under it, and black pants help up with a studded belt. Naruto looked at the green crystal necklace around his neck that had two silver balls next to the crystal, one of each side. He learned long ago that he was pretty much a perfect zombie, and he was okay with that. He was glad he didn't have those cracks in his skin like those fuzzy memories, and painting the black in his eyes was pretty easy... it stung like crazy while applying it, but it was safe... like that mattered.

He was a Zombie.

He finished painting his eyes, before he started on his way towards the kitchen and saw that his coffee had finished. Pouring it into the cup he sat back against his chair and started to chug from the large mug he was using, before he drained the mug of the coffee in seconds. He was already feeling more awake from the bitter taste of the coffee, so standing up against he grabbed his school bag from the table and slung it over his shoulder so that he could head towards school for the day... yeah, even after hundreds of years he went to school. Rather, instead of going to school he would 'transfer' to school every few decades or so and claim to be the grandson or something of another Naruto Uzumaki... he was pretty sure by this point he was Naruto Uzumaki the 18th or something.

Naruto smacked his forehead in annoyance when he stopped in front of the door and remembered that he wasn't ready. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a container of blush. His body couldn't have a natural blush, so to appear more human he would have to apply it manually with this. Naruto opened it before he gently used the brush to add a very light tint of color to his cheeks to make it appear like his skin had more life to it. With that done, he looked in the mirror and what he saw what a highscooler with eyes filled with life and a handsome face.

He put the blush away, before he opened the door and started to walk out of the room. He didn't bother locking the door, since he didn't own anything that was valuable to him anyway. Naruto carried everything he would ever need in his school bag, and after centuries of working and gaining money through casinos around the world, he was one of the richest men in the world without even having to try. The only reason he didn't start a major business was because he didn't want to draw so much attention to himself, because rich businesses drew a lot of attention, and he was sure that the fact he didn't age a day passed 17... he actually did die on his birthday now that he remembered... would surely make them suspicious.

His bank accounts... he had more than one, he was pretty sure he had around nine of them, and each one had several billion dollars in them... centuries of hard work really paid off.

He had once been so bored of city life that he bought a private island that he owned to this very day. He also had a cruise ship that made him money on a regular basis, secretely of course, and he owned several planes. He could spend money without any reason for the rest of... well he didn't know if he could die, so for the rest of his life was a strange thing. Naruto just closed the door behind him though without locking it, and he jumped from the railing and fell down five stories before he landed on his face on the ground. Naruto wanted to sweat drop, before he shook himself and started to stand up again with a light grin when he felt the damage get repaired right away.

"Ow?" Naruto muttered lightly as he began to walk towards the school, since he lived in the dorm and was already rather late for class he didn't have a far walk. He school was literally a minute or two from where he was when Naruto walked. Naruto chuckled to himself, before he saw a man with huge chunks of his body missing not very far away from where he was, moaning and stumbling around with eyes that could be even blanker than Naruto's dead eyes when he just woke up. The man's whole left side was covered in blood on the back, and his ribs were completely visible, with organs hanging out of the hole. Naruto sweat dropped when he realized that this man had gray skin, and the bags under his rolled up eyes were making his dead eyes seem more dead.

Zombies? Modern day zombies?

What the hell?

"Okay, now this is weird." Naruto muttered to himself with a small grin on his face as he ran over to the zombie and waved a hand in front of it's face to get it's attention. Naruto saw the thing sticking it's tongue out, and the guy that had once been this zombie was obviously a chain smoker from the yellow teeth. The thing turned to Naruto when Naruto snapped his fingers, before it turned away from Naruto again like it didn't care about him at all. Okay, Naruto may be a zombie, but that actually hurt his feelings a little. It was NOT nice of this guy to ignore Naruto like that.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh." The raspy breath came out, with Naruto getting a sense that he had heard that recently... from himself when he woke up late this morning. Naruto chuckled and slung and arm over the zombie's shoulders.

"You know what buddy, you're alight. You smell like shit ya know, but I bet you were a stand up guy at one point." Naruto said with a grin on his face, and the creature stopped and looked towards the source of the sound. Naruto saw it turn away and try to continue to walk away from Naruto, obviously not viewing its fellow zombie as a meal. He figured tht zombies only viewed things that smelled human as meals, and Naruto didn't have a human scent, he smelled like ash and burning wood. Naruto had figured that since he didn't smell human, or because this thing could sense what was human and what wasn't, that it didn't see him as food.

"Uuuuuh." The zombie male gasped out again, and Naruto chuckled to himself before tightened his arm around the zombie's neck and broke it so that the living dead man was fully killed again and fell the the ground with a wet thump. Naruto leaned down and wiped the blood from his hand, that had gotten their from touching the zombie's blood stained body, onto the corpse's clean part of his jacket.

"Dick, didn't even try to bite me... I don't smell that bad do I?" Naruto said as he raised his arm and smelled his pit, before he lowered it and shrugged. He always smelled the same, so he never really noticed it. Naruto continued to walk towards the school, and as he walked he could see more and more zombies started to appear and walk around. Naruto sweat dropped when he heard the sounds of people screaming, before he looked over to see that the screaming people had already been bitten so there was nothing that could be done for them.

Naruto... had grown a little uncaring for human life when he had seen hundreds of people die. If they weren't close to him, or his friends, then he didn't care if they lived or died. That was from hundreds and hundreds of years of experience. That, and why help people who were doomed. He would only help those that weren't already bitten. If these zombies were like the zombies he knew, then there was little doubt that... Naruto looked up when he heard the sound of the speakers at the school going off. Naruto couldn't hear what the voice was saying exactly, but he could heard screaming over the speakers.

Naruto walked to the front doors of the school near the parking lot with the bus, before he groaned and opned the glass door and started to walked towards the stairs. He could see the shoe lockers, before he blinked when he felt a shoe smash into his face. Naruto fell the the ground out of shock, before he glared at the shoe.

"Well fuck you too... who threw that!?" Naruto shouted out loudly, drawing the attention of all of the zombies in the area that started to walk towards him. Naruto saw movement not far away, before he was surprised when he saw one of the people he knew. A guy that was wearing the same uniform as Naruto with a red undershirt and black hair with dark yellow eyes. The guy was holding a bat in his hands, and he was waving at Naruto to come over to them. Naruto grabbed one of the zombies and broke it's neck, before he waved. "Hey Takashi! Good to see you aren't dead yet! You seeing all of this? Zombies everywhere and people dying all over the place!" Naruto shouted out, and he could see his friend making the zip your lips face.

The zombies walked towards Naruto again, and Takashi looked like he was going to run towards Naruto and help him out. One of the zombies grabbed onto Naruto's shirt for a moment, before the female zombies groaned and let go before walking away when she realized he wasn't food. Takashi took a step back in shock when he saw Naruto grab the zombie female with a chunk of her neck mising, before he pulled her into a headlock and started to rub her hair... and then he broke her neck and started to jog towards Takashi. He got to Takashi, before he saw that the boy wasn't alone... and then he was punched in the face by a slim hand.

"You freaking idiot, don't act so laid back when _They_ are around!" The harsh voice or a very angry sounding girl whispered towards him, and Naruto turned his head with a grin on his face. This was his girlfriend, a girl with her long pink hair pulled into two tails at the sides of her head with the right side of her forhead completely exposed, and the bangs of her right side were spiked and pointing to the left side. She had on the school uniform for females, a white and green sailor uniform with a very short green mini-skirt and a black ribbon on her chest. Her eyes were a striking orange color, part of the reason why he was dating her along with the hair, and she was glaring death at him... only he was immortal so no matter what that wouldn't happen. Oh well, Naruto was grinning as he saw her and her supermodel body at this moment. She was 11 cm shorter than he was, and her body was slim and all of the right areas and plum where it should be, her T and A. The girls breasts were literally an F-Cup with her three sizes being 92 cm - 59 cm - 87 cm and she was the perfect weight of 52 kg.

Don't ask how he knew that, because he would never tell.

"Hey Saya-chan, good to see you aren't dead. That would totally suck if you got eaten by... them? What are them, all I see is a few zombies roaming around?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow when he noticed other people standing around them as well, while Saya was giving him a disbelieving look.

"_They_, are those zombies you are talking about. Stop being stupid Naruto-kun, and start acting like this is a big deal!" She whispered furiously at him as she grabbed his cheek and started to pull on it. She blushed when she realized what she was doing in front of the others in the group, while Naruto rubbed his cheek in annoyance when she let go. Naruto looked at Saya with his grin moments later and wrapped his arms around her in a hug before he let go of her and got down on one knee and pulled a flower out of his bag and gave it to her.

"Then will you have sex with me at my place tonight?" Naruto asked seriously, a glint in his eyes, before she kicked him in the face and crossed her arms under her large breasts and looked away from him.

"Go get eaten perv." Saya said as she walked away with a blush on her face, while Naruto stood back up with a grin still in place.

"I love my girls short tempered and violent, I really do... Hello rag-tag group of zombie survivers, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, nice to meet you. I'm Saya's boyfriend." Naruto said with a bow, since he didn't know most of these people. Everyone was looking at him like he was crazy, before he pouted when nobody knew what to say to him and ran over to one of the zombies that was nearby and grabbed it into a hug. "Oh zombie-kun, everyone thinks I'm weird! Hold me buddy, I need comforting!" Naruto said overdramatically, with the people in the group freaking out lightly when they saw him hugging a zombie.

The zombie hugged back.

"Your boyfriend is insane." A round and short boy in his first year of the school, wearing glasses with black hair, whispered in shock when he saw somebody hugging a zombie without getting bitten. Then everyone else was shocked when the other zombies just ignored him and walked passed him like he wasn't even there. Naruto grunted and bent his back so that he leaned so far back his head hit the ground, and the zombie's head smashed and cracked open on the ground before dying, while Naruto stood back up with a grin on his face. Naruto put a serious look on his face though, before he ran over to the group and stopped in front of that.

"Sorry about that, these things give real zombies a bad name." Naruto said after a moment, before a girl hair girl that was taller than him came forward and held her hand out to him. She was wearing the same uniform as the other girls, but she had on a long skirt, and her breasts were smaller, by a small amount, than his girlfriend's. She had really long purple hair that she kept going down her back, and out of her blue eyes. Naruto could see she was showing off some cleavage, which she must have a lot of from the size of her breasts.

"Saeko Busujima, it is nice to meet you. Please be quiet though, _they_ are attracted to noise." Saeko suggested, with Naruto rolling his eyes and pointing to himself.

"They also only attack things that have a human scent, and I smell like ash... so I'm pretty sure I'm good." Naruto said, not explaining that he was a zombie at the moment, before the chubby boy walked forward and held his hand out to shake Naruto's when he finished shaing Saeko's hand.

"Kohta Hirano, it is nice to meet you again." The boy said with a smile, while Naruto sweat dropped lightly and looked at the boy with a raised eyebrow.

Did he know this boy from somewhere?

Naruto let go of Kohta's hand and looked around the group until he saw the blond nurse he was slightly familiar with. She waved at him, before she ran to him with her hige breasts bouncing with each step. She had long blond hair, and brown eyes that seemed to be naturally drowzy. She was also a good bit taller than Naruto, but he was only 166 cm tall so he was about average height for a japanese man at 17 years old. This nurse was at least 27 years old, fully mature, and her body... sex as hell. Naruto smiled as she hugged him and pressed her breasts against his chest. Her chest that he could tell was way to big to be a Japanese woman through blood, since most japanese girls didn't naturally have a J-Cup with measurements of 108 cm - 62 cm - 94 cm.

Total bombshell.

"It's so nice to see you again Uzumaki-kun, when you didn't come for your Thursday nap in my office I got worried!" She said with a ditzy tone of voice, before Naruto was yanked out of her grasp by Saya, who was glaring up at him. Shizuka, the nurse, tilted her head to the side in a questioning way, before she noticed that the other three students that were with them had already run out of the area, with the girl next to Takashi looking at Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

"Damnit, what did I tell you about skipping class! How am I suppose to take you home to meet Mama and Dad if you don't act like you care about school?" Saya almost shouted, but kept her voice at a whisper as she pulled on Naruto's whiskered cheeks and stretched them out lightly. She realized that she was stopping him from talking, before she let go and sighed in annoyance, before she turned away and huffed. "You're lucky you are cute, and smart when you want to be. A genius like me could do way better." Saya said arrogantly, while Naruto grinned lightly.

"Yeah yeah Saya-chan, you are a violent genius." Naruto said after a moment, before he saw another person in the group, while the screaming of people outside started to draw most of the zombies in the area out of the halls and out of the school. Naruto walked over to the last girl in the group, before he got down on one knee and kissed her hand gently. Takashi groaned in annoyance, while Naruto looked up at the girl. She had long orangish brown hair and brownish red eyes, she kept her long hair in a ponytail, and she had two locks of hair sticking up and down on her head like antenna. She had a slightly slimmer body than Saya, but she was taller than Saya but shorter than Naruto, and her breast were slightly smaller. "Naruto Uzumaki, a pleasure to meet you." Naruto introduced to keep the mood like.

These people were wya to tense for his taste, zombie doomsday or not, they needed to lighten up.

She jerked her hand out of her hand, before she gave him an annoyed look and sighed in annoyance.

"Yeah, I know who you are. I'm Rei Miyamoto, and you ruined out chance at escape." Rei said as she pointed to the hueg amount of zombies outside of the school, while Naruto stood up and leaned against the wall.

"Ruined? I just saved your lives. The school gates are closed, and the concrete walls around the city insure that the only zombies that can get in are already here. Outside of the school there could be thousands of zombies, the best bet would be the slowly pick off the few hundreds of them here and then pile up the bodies and burn them. Then the school will become a safe place." Naruto said with crossed arms, while Saya nodded after a moment when she realized the merit in his idea. It was a good plan, find a spot to slowly pick off the zombies and then when all of them were gone, there would be no way for anymore of them to get inside of the school, unless one of them got bitten at the gate by foolishly sticking there arm out at one of them.

Yeah, Naruto's plan was better.

"We can't just stay, we have to check on our families to make sure their alright." Takashi said seriously, while Naruto shrugged and waved towards the zombie infested school grounds outside of their location.

"Be my guest, right now you guys aren't going anywhere while we are surrounded by my zombie brethren." Naruto said with a goofy grin on his face, while Saya pulled on his cheek and made him step towards her.

"For the last time, you aren't a zombie. You and your delusions are going to be a pain in my ass." Saya said with an soft smile on her face, while Naruto grinned and stood up straight again.

"Yeah, serious business though. How exactly do you plan on going through the city when the bus is surrounded by zombies, and a group this size is to big for most cars?" Naruto questioned, and silence was his answer. This group seemed to only have so much planned out, and seeing there families again seemed like their only goal at the moment. Naruto sighed in annoyance, before he took the keys to one of the buses from Shizuka and gave a glace at them. She was pouting at him, before he grinned and put the keys in his pocket.

More screams in the background, both male and female, told him that more victims had been eaten while Naruto started to walk up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Saeko demanded politely, and Naruto shrugged. Right now he had the keys to their escape, literally, meaning that they were going to follow him to get them back.

"You coming Saya-chan? Oh, and Saeko-chan, you may want to reconsider going outside until the herd clears up and scatters around the grounds again." Naruto said when he saw one of the teachers in black get eaten outside of the doors, and he nodded... fuck that teacher, that guy had been an asshole.

"Naruto-kun, if you can get to the bus and drive it to us, I'm let you feel my boobs." Shizuka said with a light giggle, while Saya glared at the back of her boyfriend's head when she saw him thinking it over. Naruto turned back around and started to go downstairs before he started to walk towards the front doors. Saya slapped him in the back of the head on his way down with a blush on her face.

"You can feel mine, not hers, if you get us the bus. Just don't die." Saya said with crossed arms, while the others looked at Saya in shock at how reasily she was letting her boyfriend go towards a crowd of at least a hundred or more of them that had gathered at the sounds of the screaming.

"Your boyfriend is a pervert." Rei said with a scowl on her face, before Naruto turned around and pointed at her.

"Super Pervert, I am no average pervert. I am a pervert that had done the impossible time and time again, and transcended beyond the bounds of mere mortal! I am a Divine Super Pervert!" Naruto shouted out, before he was tackled by a zombie female and he slapped the zombie on the ass and snapped her neck seconds later. Over the years he had grown slightly... very perverted. In fact, it was said that Zombies were controlled by their most dominant instinct of hunger, well HIS most dominant instinct was lust.

"Damnit Naruto-kun, go and get the bus before I take back my offer." Saya said as Kohta shot one of the zombies near the door to clear the way for Naruto slightly, even though the male didn't need it. Naruto started to walk towards the zombies, with everyone watching nervously in the hopes that he could get through. He had commented earlier that these things only went after things with human scents, and that would explain why they weren't eating each other, but so far they weren't completely convinced.

Until the zombies started to move out of his way, and soon they lost him in the crowd of zombies that wer gathering and walking around in the same uniform as him.

"Okay, I have to ask, what do you see in him?" Takashi asked while face palming, and Saya huffed and looked towards the group of zombies outside.

"A friend of my Dad's set us up, and we hit it off. The guy is smarter than he acts, it is like he is a history book. Ask him any date, and he can give you facts from that decade that are both correct and mostly unknown by most. He also knows things that are college level, and he is great physically." Saya explained with narrowed eyes, before she was startled when she saw the large school bus rushing towards them at a high speed and crashing through a large amount of the zombies, before it turned and started to spin, before it stopped with the door of the bus right outside of the school's front door.

The bus door opened and Naruto could be seen behind the wheel of the bus with a grin on his face.

"You're boyfriend is awesome." Kohta said as he ran passed Saya and got onto the bus, while the rest of the group and Saya started to run onto the bus as well and take their seats, with the bus closing. Saya stopped next to Naruto with an irriated look on her face, before she sighed and gave him a smile.

"Thanks Naruto-kun, I knew you could do it." Saya said after a moment, while Naruto closed the bus door with a grin on his face as he looked at her boobs. She crossed her arms over them, before she sighed again and uncrossed them. She walked to the seat right behind him, before she gave him a smirk. "Not yet, I don't feel comfy with _them _around. Find us a great place first with lots of protection, and then your reward." Saya said, while Naruto pouted.

"Smartass." Naruto groaned as he started to drive over a crowd of zombies, with Saya smirking at him.

"Smarter than your dumb ass." Saya bragged, while Naruto started to speed up as they approached the school gate, and when they crashed into it, it flung open with the bus going into the street. Naruto sighed in annoyance at this fact, before he started to drive down the street.

Oh well, screw his good plan, he was going to feel up some nice tits!

_**Chapter End!**_  
_**I want more people to write Naruto-HOTD crossovers, so this is to inspire others. Instead of the normal, gloom and doom, these crossovers bring with their drama, I am going in another direction with it.**_  
_**Please Leave Me Lots Of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!**_


	2. Chapter 2 Hope for a fix

_**Disclaimer: First Chapter**_  
_**Story Start!**_

Everyone was completely silent as they rode on the bus with Naruto driving, while said Zombie was whistling a happy tune loud enough to fill the bus with some music to make the irde a little more cheerful. Okay, maybe for a zombie like him this kind of zombie hell was no big deal, but for the food... people this must be some kind of hell. Naruto couldn't really blame them for this, but he was annoyed that they weren't even trying to lighten up the mood on their own. Naruto reached into his bag and pulled out a CD before he opened the CD Player at the front and placed the CD inside of it.

Anything was better than this kind of silence.

_-Play: Zombie Love SOng - Your Favorite Martian-_

Everyone looked over at Naruto for plying this particular song during moments like this. It was hard to believe that he had the nerve to actually play a song like this during an actual zombie nightmare they were all going though. They were still somewhat shocked that Naruto seemed completely immune to zombies, both getting their attention, and feeling afraid of them. Naruto was humming along to the song, it boosting his mood the entire time while the others behind him started to talk amongst each other.

"I am sorry about him, he can be really... stupid sometimes." Saya said after a moment. She of all people knew that her boyfriend was a complete and utter idiot almost 70 percent of the time. She didn't know what was wrong with him exactly, but she was pretty sure that it was completely genetic if it was that ingrained into his behavior. Naruto wasn't even flinching as he ran over _them_ while humming to a zombie based song he was listening to. It was veyr hard to believe people like him even existed.

"I like it, it really lightens the mood." Kohta tried to defend Naruto, who slowed the bus to a stop in front of a gas station. The others looked at Naruto for a moment, while Naruto rolled his eyes and pointed at the fact that there were very few zombies in the area at the moment. Standing up from his seat, he opened the door to the bus and stood at the front of the bus.

"Okay everyone, steal whatever food you can find and bring it back to the bus. I'll stay here and fill up the tank." Naruto suggested in a deadpan tone. They were surprised by the good idea, before Saeko stood up and nodded to his suggestion.

"I agree, it would be better to grab what we can, while we can, before somebody else cleans it out first. It would be good to look for weapons as well." Saeko suggested in return, while Naruto opened his school bag and pulled out a handgun and an extra magazine for it. He grinned at the looks he was getting for carrying a gun around in the first place, before he placed the gun in the front of his pants and put the magazine in his pocket. Kohta was looking at Naruto with stars in his eyes, but Naruto jumped out of the bus without touching the stairs before landing on the concrete.

"I already have my weapon, never leave home without it... not that I need it." Naruto said lightly as he walked passed a zombie, who completely ignored Naruto, swiped his debit card against the machine and paid for enough to completely fill up the tank. Naruto started to walk to and grabing the zombie with his elbow as he dragged it away from the doors of the bus, and with that done he started to fill it up while the others left the bus and started to go towards the gas station. Naruto kept the zombie in a headlock with one arm, while it tried to go twards his friends going into the gas station, only to not have enough strength to break Naruto's grip, who was barely paying attention as he snapped it's neck and began to whistle as he filled the tank.

"Oooya." Another zombie started to moan out as it walked towards the sound of Naruto whistling, with two more soon following after it. Naruto sweat dropped and wasn't bothered by them as they started to poke at Naruto for a moment, before he snapped both of their necks and tripped the third one before kicking it in the neck and breaking it's neck as well. Naruto wasn't normally one to carelessly break necks, but as he continued to whistle he saw another female zombie coming towards him, and Naruto nodded in approval. This one was a hotty, if you didn't count the chunk of flesh missing from her ankle, or the gray skin with rolled up dead eyes. Her body was rocking though, but he wasn't into dead chicks.

The irony of that statement was not lost on him.

If anything, he should have a thing for dead girls, but nope, he liked his girls alive and kicking... and kicking him sometimes. Hey, everyone had their own things, and Naruto just so happened to like violent girls that would hit him over the slightest things.

"Hey, hows it going babe, you come here often?" Naruto said in a flirting tone, and the zombie looked at him for a second and grabbed his face, before she let go and leaned forward so that she was pressing right against him. Naruto raised an eyebrow for a second, before he saw that she was reaching for his bag. Naruto reached into his own bag and pulled out some steak, a little bloody at the moment, before he waved it in front of her face and she made a grab for it. He held it into the air above her reach, and she laxzily made more reached for it, pressing her chest against his. Then she seemed to realize it wasn't human meat and gave up without much fighting involved. Naruto shrugged and placed his lung back in his bag so that he could cook it later. Technically, he didn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom, but he liked to pretend he was human sometimes, so he ate, slept... and thought he found it impossible to use the bathroom he still sat on the tolet when he read the newspaper. The totet was a surprisingly comfy chair when it had to be.

Naruto took the pump out when it completely stopped, and then he closed the lid and locked it right. Going over to the machine, he swiped his card again and placed in a good amount before he started to spray gasoline on the ground while whistling. He saw his friends giving him odd looks as they passed back and forth between the station and the bus with arms and arms filled with good and ther supplies. Naruto saw Rei passing by, before he grabbed her by the arm with his free hand.

"Hey, can you grab me some smokes next trip?" Naruto asked seriously, as serious as he got anyway, and she raised an eyebrow.

"You smoke, that is going to kill you one day you know?" Rei questioned his judgement, before he rolled his eyes. She didn't know that he couldn't die, his stamina was unlimited, and that his body couldn't be changed so easily, so he could smoke without worrying about the side effects. In this zombie hell, why was she even worrying about that anyway?

"Hey, you never know when that stuff comes in handy. If I have sex, I damn well better have a cigarette right after if it was good sex. And if I were to perhaps blow something up, I want to be able to walk away with my back to the explosion while smoking." Naruto hinted at his real reason for wanting to smoke this time. He wanted to light this gasoline on fire and blow the hell out of this place, and he wanted to look epic going it. Rei only sighed as she nodded and ran back towards the store as the others started to make more trips.

"You better not be planning on setting this place on fire." Saya muttered to him as she passed, and Naruto waved her off as Rei handed him a box that he placed in his back pocket. He was starting to walk around as he sprayed fuel all over the area. He had put in a few thousend yen into the machine when he entered the number, so it would take a bit for it to stop spewing out fuel.

"I'm not going to set it aflame, I am going to blow it to hell and anything unlucky enough to be nearby when it happens. Anyway, if you completely clear it out, there won't be anything left for any other survivers, and thus, we are saving them false hope by blowing it up... and I want to blow it sky high." Naruto spoke honestly, before Saya slapped him in the back of the head before going back into the station so that she could grab more stuff. Naruto was more than right in the fact that blowing it up would be the best bet, the sound of the explosion would attack a TON of them to this spot and catch them in the fire. It would also make the streets safer for them without running into as many of them on the way to where they wanted to go.

"Pyromaniac." Takashi said as he passed Naruto by and got onto the bus while using his shirt to carry as much stuff as possible, mostly energy drinks... and some different kinds of beer. Naruto grinned at that, knowing that these kids would not be able to hold there beer as well as he could, well he had hundreds of years of drinking experience. Naruto turned around and used his fre hand to smack Takashi on the ass as he walked by, and the boy jumped out of surprise and dropped what he had been carrying.

"Whoops, sorry, my hand slipped... pick it up." Naruto ordered with a grin on his face, and Takashi started to grumble as he reached down and started to pick up everything he had dropped. Naruto nodded and continued to walk around and pour fuel on the ground. He could still hear the boy complaining about unfair friends as he walked back to the bus as Kohta and Saeko walked out of the gas station with more bags of food in their hands, while Naruto grabbed a zombie that tried to walk by him by the back of the neck and shoved the nozel of the pump into it's mouth and started to fill the zombie with gasoline as well.

Saya stopped to give her boyfriend a look that explain how retarded she believed him to be, before she shook her head and continued back to the bus and Kohta and Saeko started to walk back, while Rei came out with her arms full.

"Hey, why are you doing that?" Kohta asked as he stopped next to Naruto shoving fuel down a zombie's throat, before it's stomach and chest started to expand lightly... and Naruto shoved it to the ground where it couldn't stand back up from the added weight and loss of balance the fuel was giving it.

"I'm going to blow this place up in a huge explosion. It is on my fuck-it list." Naruto explained, and while most people called it a buck-it list, he called it a fuck-it list simply because he couldn't die even if he wanted to... which he didn't. Sure, it was a lonely existance sometimes, but there were a lot of chances to sleep with beautiful babes, and honestly it was cool seeing humanity continue and continue to strive and evolve.

"You have a buck-it list?" Kohta asked with a raised eyebrow, before Naruto shook his head.

"Fuck it, not buck it. Basically, fuck everything, I'll do what I want kind of things. New things are always happening, and with new things come interesting ideas. I guess you could say a part of the reason I am helping you guys is because I want to see how you handle yourself." Naruto said with a small grin as he stuck his hand out and poke a zombie so hard in the ey that his finger went through the eye and right into the brain, killing the zombie instantly and making it fall to the ground with a wet thump.

"Okay, we got the last of the stuff." Shizuka shouted from the bus, before she covered her mouth when the zombies started to lumber towards the bus rather slowly. Kohta ran to the bus, while Naruto walked and tossed the nozel to the ground and got his lighter from his back pocket. He got behind the wheel of the bus, before he closed the doors and lit himself a cigarette and opened the window next to him. Naruto turned the key and shifted to reverse, before he smashed a few zombies behind them, before he shifted into drive and started to go forward. Naruto nodded to himself, before he threw his lite out of the window pretty good and waited.

BOOM!

"What the fuck!" Takashi shouted when the entire gas station they were at blew up in a giant collumn of flames that almost touched the back of the bus, and it wiped out an entire group of them that had been racing towards the bus as well. Naruto grinned and exhauled from his cigarette, before he tossed it out of the window.

"So, what do we have?" Naruto said those in the back of the bus as it jerked and drove over a few dozen zombies, before Saeko did a check.

"Various bags of chips, snack foods, junk foods, energy drinks, water, booze, any medical supplies there and Kohta got a gun that was under the counter." Saeko explained, while Kohta lifted up the Shotgun that he had gotten from the store, and the few bags of ammo for the shotgun that he had liberated from the store. Naruto chuckled at the muderous grin on the younger males face, before he started to whisle a tune again as he drove. The others seemed to like talking among themselves, while Naruto went into his own world as he looked back at them in the mirror for a moment.

These kids were something else, instead of staying somewhere safe, they were going to look for their families while they might still be alive.

Naruto could seriously respect that, it showed they had their priorities correct. He wanted to watch them and see just how well they did before he had to take control of the situation, until then he would have some fun. It wasn't like they were in any danger, Naruto had been through so many wars that something like this, completely easy level bullshit for him. With his immortal body, he could tank fighting against every zombie in the world without running out of strength, stamina, or getting tired. It was part of the reason he was so relaxed about this, because he knew for a fact he couldn't die, and he could protect the kids if they got in over their heads.

Even Shizuka was a kid by his standards.

They were all children when you compared them to somebody that was hundreds, or maybe thousands, of years old. The difference between them and Naruto, besides him being an immortal zombie, was that he had long since lost the ability to care about if people listened to him or not... or maybe it was that he didn't care what others thought of him.

"Hey, does anyone else want to drive, this is boring me? You can only run over so many people before it gets boring." Naruto asked the group, and nobody raised their hands to help him out. Naruto groaned in annoyance, before he decided to go about this a different way. "Okay, then does anyone had a place to stay for the night? It would be better if we had a new base of operations, you know, a safe placed... like the one we had... before we ruined it?" Naruto asked, and also accused knowing that staying at the school would have been the best idea.

Yet, here they were, going through the city, with zombies after them.

Naruto saw Shizuka raised her hand and jumped around, her breasts bouncing in an over the top way with each bounce as she smiled at him.

Naruto could only grin as he switched places with her and she started to drive towards where she believed they, the humans, would be safest. Naruto sat next to Saya on the bus with a satisfied look to his face, and she leaned against him with a light blush and scowl on her face. Naruto wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, before he decided that this was going to be a whole new experience for him.

He could wait to see these kids through this new adventure, because sometimes the safest option, isn't always the right option.

He was looking forward to this.

_**Chapter End!**_  
_**I hope that posting another chapter stops the glitching, so I am posting this a little early.**_  
_**Please Leave Me Lots Of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!**_


	3. Chapter 3 Epic Level is Over 9000

_**Disclaimer: First Chapter**_  
_**Story Start!**_

"This is a nice place your friend has." Naruto commented lightly as he closed the door behind him. It was easily a large apartment, and the entire building was walled off from the street with a large steel gate protecting the residence from the undead outside of the location. Naruto wasn't the only one to think so at the moment, but the others weren't saying anything about it just yet, much prefering to get everything settled into the home base for the moment. They had a few weeks of food stored up at the moment, and they could last even longer since Naruto was going to go out and get more when the time came. Naruto could see the others sitting down in the living room, and they seemed to have a depressed aura around them, besides Kohta and Saeko.

Kohta was busy looking at the Shotgun in his hands, weighing it, and even counting the number of shots he was going to have. Naruto didn't know much about gun, besides the one he carried in his bag, but this boy was seconds away from orgasming in his pants if the look on his face said anything.

"Uhuh, Rika was always a nut for a safe place to live!" Shizuka explained with a smile on her face, while Naruto jumped over the couch and landed next to Saya with a grin on his face. She had promised him a reward, and he was going to get that reward even if it was going to kill him, which it wasn't because he was a zombie. Naruto reached arounc Saya and grabbed her breasts over her clothes, shocking the girl out of her depressing as she blushed and looked at him in complete shock, along with the others in the room when they saw the obvious molestation.

"You promised boobs, now I am getting boobs." Naruto said as he squeezed her chest and started to gently grip and pull, sometimes he would press them together and use his fingers to twick at her hardening nipples through her clothes. Saya was far to shocked to do anything, her face completely red while Naruto took his hands off and moved them so that her shirt was lifted up to her stomach as he reached under her clothes and started to grab her soft, warm, flesh with bare flesh to flesh touches. Naruto was chukling perversely at this situation, and even under her clothes he payed special attention to her nipples and the sensative areas near the sternum and the sides.

"Are you sure this is the right time for that?" Saeko asked to try and get him to stop the molestation of the genius girl, and Naruto huffed and gained a look of pride on his face without even looking like he was going to think of letting go. He had abandoned his own plans of safety for these tits, so he was going to get he reward and he was going to drain it dry until she beat the hell out of him for being a pervert. Naruto was bouncing them manually with his hands, but he did send Saeko a suggestive look.

"I was promised boob, and unless you want to replace her, then this Zombie is feeling up his girlfriend's fine supermodel level rack. Unless you want to replace her and let this skilled hands... find your sweet spots that is." Naruto said as Saya moaned loudly when his 'skilled hands' founds one of her more sensatice spots and she couldn't help but blush when the others around them blushed. Naruto gained a look of pride on his face, before he looked towards Shizuka and grinned. "Of course, not even Saya's boobs are much compared to hers." Naruto admit, and Saya elbowed him in the face hard enough to break his nose in the wrong direction.

It fixed the second she took her elbow off.

Naruto still had his hands on her boobs thought, his grip never letting go of the addicting feeling of a females soft skin. He was right, her breasts were as soft to the touch as silk, and ten times more fun to run his hands over, maybe a hundred times easily.

"Idiot, don't say things like that in front of your girlfriend!" Saya shouted with a blushing on her face, only to be lifted in the air and placed on Naruto's lap.

"Ah, but this is a zombie hell, so the normal rules of society and morality don't apply anymore. We could have sex right here and now... can we have sex right here and now? I think it's hot to be watched." Naruto questioned as the idea came to him, and she started to punch himn repeatedly in the face for the mere suggestion that they had sex in front of the others, or at all in a time like this. Naruto just felt his head jerk from side to side with each hit, but never once did he groan or moan in pain, or even let go of her breasts.

'This is a Pervert King with no shame.' Rei thought with a twitching eyebrow at the complete lack of shame that Naruto seemed to have. She should have known that Naruto was going to be like this. The guy was infamous at school for skipping class to go peek on women, and before Saya was his girlfriend he had actually been caught in the act of having sex with his last girlfriend in the middle of the girl's bathroom. Of course, with how loud she was screaming in orgasmic pleasure it was hard for them not to get caught... Naruto most likely didn't care, but it was Rei that had walked into the bathroom and caught him fucking his ex-girlfirned and pressing her face and chest against the wall.

That fucked stupid look on her face, and the grin on his, as well as something else, would be forever ingraved into her memory, tramatizing her. She was pretty sure that was the first year she went to highschool as well.

"You are my hero." Kohta whispered honestly, while Naruto jerked his head forward and buried it between his girl's breasts and started to motorboat her. Naruto chuckled as he let go of her, before he grabbed her by the ass and squeezed her cheeks with a grin in place.

"Of course, I won't be opposed to the other ladies joining in either. The last orgy I had was a few decades ago when I had a harem of bodacious babes numbering in the dozens at my beck and call. You ladies are hotter than any of them though." Naruto spoke with complete honesty, and Saya smacked him in the face for his blunt perverseness that he was showing, and for the molestation of her breasts.

"For that last time you idiot, you are NOT an immortal zombie ninja!" Saya shouted at him, and Naruto pouted at her, before he got a wicked idea and stood up.

"I can prove it!" Naruto shouted with determination clear in his eyes, while the others looked at him like he was retarded. It was impossible in their minds when the word zombie makes them thing about grotesque corpses that go after living humans and devour them. Naruto grabbed Kohta's shotgun from the boy's hands, before he placed the barrel in his mouth. Eyes started to widen at his action, and before even a single person could shout for him to stop, he pulled the trigger and his whole head exploded in a shower of blood and gore, completely showering the ceiling in his brains.

His body didn't even start to fall back, instead, all of the blood and gore that had appeared from him turned dark grey and started to float back towards Naruto, leaving the splattered places cleaner. Then the ash started to go to his neck and rebuild his head and neck from nothing but ash, with the skin being dark grey as it was rebuilt. The others had no response when they saw the head started to reappear like it had never been blown off, and color return to his skin... less color than before actually. When Naruto opened his eyes, the others gasped in shock when they saw the whites of his eyes were as black as the abyss. His cheeks lost the blush he had applied earlier, and you could see a certain... sameness to his skin. Like his skin was only one color, instead of various shapes of a color in different areas to show he was alive.

...

Nobody was able to say anything at all at the fact somebody just blew their head off, and it just started to reform out of ash.

"I told you I could prove it. If you guys are going to survive this, you need my help. There are billions of humans on this planet, and if all of them turn, then you would be fucked up the ass sideways with a foot long metal studded dildo... without lube." Naruto pointed out blandly. He may be lazy, perverted, and have a horrible memery for most things after taking an A-Bomb to the head, but he was a trusting, lazy, perverted, idiot with a mostly horrible memory for things after the A-Bomb.

"I... I have to believe him on this one. Did you need to blow your head off though?" Kohta asked as he took the gun back from Naruto, who shrugged. He most likely didn't have to do that, but if these people learned about his immortality later, then it wouldn't good a very good thing for him or them. They wouldn't be able to trust him at all, and that would lead to the group coming apart to the point that his super epic control over zombies would be pointless.

"This is impossible! There is no scientific explaination for this, there is no possible way something like you could even exist!" Saya denied harshly with her arms crossed, while Naruto nodded to himself with a grin on his face. This wasn't the first time that somebody had said something like this to him before, and the others in the room were just far to stunned to say anything at all at this point. Naruto crossed his arms, grin still in place, and he looked at Saya with a cocky look.

"I can blow my head off again if you want? You would be surprised at how many times I was mentioned through out history... lets see when I was in Egypt I got a mask stuck on my face and people started to pray to me as this Anubus guy for awhile... then when I was in the north the people thought I was this Loki dude... seriously, I have no idea where that one came from." Naruto recalled with a small frown on his face. Seriously, every time people realized he wasn't normal in the past they placed him above them as a god, before praying to him. Naruto still knew a few descendents of his old worshippers that still worshiped the ground he walked on. Now that he thought about it, he was also that Ra character when he let his power show and he glowed like the sun.

"Wait wait wait, let me guess, you were also Apollo or something?" Takashi joked around lightly, and Naruto nodded.

"Yep, I was Apollo a long time ago... and I was Artemis. That was an awkward time in my life. I had made a bet with somebody that I could make a convincing girl, so I crossdressed and put on a wig... then transform and tada... sexy goddess." Naruto said proudly, with the others now staring at him for a completely different reason. Naruto would have started to sweat if he could, he could, but only when he felt like it. He had almost complete control over his body.

"This is so weird... is that why they leave you alone!?" Rei shouted in frustration when she looked at Naruto, only to shiver when she saw his black and blue eyes, a creepy combination when you were used to human eyes.

"Seriously, that is even weirder. Call them zombies woman. It's like ALL of you have something against the term. These are walking undead that spread through bites. That is almost the literal definition of a zombie." Naruto said in frustration as well. It was like these kids were all so stubborn about calling the undead zombies, when they were actually zombies. 'They' implied that they were still people, news flash, most zombies weren't people. Naruto was a person, but he had a mind of his own, and could form complete sentences... as long as it wasn't early in the morning.

"How old are you? What is the last major event you can remember?" Saeko spoke up, wanting to know just how much experience that Naruto had.

"A-Bomb wiped out a lot of memory... though the last piece of human history I remember is this real popular guy being born. News of it spread quickly, something about the 'Son of God' born of a virgin. Yeah, great guy, healed a lot of people. Very hard working man." Naruto said with a nod of his head, and the others started to put the clues together. When they finally realized just WHO Naruto was talking about, they all looked like they had swallowed lemons. Saya had to take a seat in shock, while the others were looking at Naruto like this was their first time meeting him.

"Are you ta-talking about Jesus?" Saya stuttered out in shock, and Naruto gained a smile on his face.

"Yeah! That's the guy! He really knew a thing or two about class. He even threw this cool dinner party, I didn't go to the party, but I heard they had wine. I really wish I could have gone, but my wife at the time had gone into labor with my... 809th child I think?" Naruto questioned himself with a furrowed brow. Despite being a Perfect Zombie, when compared to these modern day ones, he was able to get it up and impregnant girls. The children were completely human, but they were stronger physically than most humans around them. Saya was the most shocked by this statement, and she grabbed Naruto had the arm roughly and looked at him in the eyes.

"How... how... how many children have you had?" The girl whispered with a twitching eye, and Naruto thought about it for a moment.

"You know... I lost track... I stopped counting when I hit 1500 of them... ah the fun things about immortality and being undead... no STDs no matter how many girls I bang." Naruto said as he remembered all of the sex, that he could remember, in his long life... unlife. The others were just staring at him, jaws hung loose and eyes wide. From what they had gathered they could point out at least a few crucial things.

Naruto was at least over 2014 years old. He had been married many times. He had many children. He had been at least 4 different Gods, and 1 Goddess. He was a Zombie that wouldn't die even if it was atomized by an A-Bomb... and he was obviously some form of the word insane.

You apparently lost a lot of sanity, modesty, or shame the older you got. It happened with humans, so why not with zombies too apparently.

"Okay, let me get this straight... you are an Immortal Zombie that had wondered this planet for numerous years, getting married and having children over that time, and you expect us to believe this?" Saeko asked with a raised eyebrow, while Naruto pointed to the gun, and then back to his head. The gun, his head, the gun, once more his head, finally the ceiling where his brains had been. Saeko had the decency to look sheepish, while Saya looked like she was going to explode with... actually, the emotion on her face was unreadable.

"Okay, you have GOT to tell me some stories. Have you been in war before?" Kohta asked excitedly, being the only person that wasn't a big breasted blond babe that was taking this with a smile. Naruto nodded with a grin.

"A war, how about almost ALL of the wars. In history there have only been a handful I didn't fight in or watch. Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday... okay I lied. I can't remember the last war very well. Nuke to the face, remember?" Naruto said as he pointed at his perfect face, and Kohta was pouting that he wouldn't be hearing any epic war stories. Rei sighed in annoyance nearby, and Naruto shrugged. "You know, with all of the kids I have had I wouldn't be surprised if somebody in this room was related to me somehow." Naruto brought up a very weird point.

Everyone looked at Shizuka, they just stared at her for a moment and compared her to Naruto.

Ditzy blonde bimbshell of a woman, and a air headed male blond hunk?

Yeah, the two of them had to be related somehow.

Naruto did not confirm or deny their ideas.

"Okay, I have a question. If you are some kind of immortal war hero zombie guy, can you infect people with a-" Takashi asked, before Naruto grabbed his arm and bit into the forearm hard enough to break skin. Naruto let go of the arm and crossed his arms with a cocky grin on his face.

"The answer is... no. As far as I know, my body isn't contaminated by germs... it actually CAN'T be. I am more like an Immortal Human than one of those bite and eat zombies outside. The only reason I'm not human is because I have no heartbeat, and am technically dead. Thus, I am a zombie, but not a horror movie zombie... I bit you to prove a point." Naruto stated with a smirk, while Takashi rubbed his arm with a grimace. Naruto knew how to just bite hard enough to break the skin, but not hard enough to cause real damage beyond that. It stung like a bitch though, and Rei was sending Naruto a dirty look.

"You could have just said no." Takashi groaned with an annoyed look.

"I could have, but I didn't. Be happy, normally I only bite hot girls during sex. Pain and pleasure at the same time bring them to a HUGE orgasm faster-" Naruto said, with Saya punching him as hard as she could right in his cheek, only for him to get right back up with a grin on his face. "-so feel lucky. You got something really special... would it make you feel better if I told you that you were my first... male?" Naruto joked with his face splitting grin in place. Takashi shivered and backed away from Naruto, who laughed.

Hey, if you couldn't laugh at yourself, or make fun of yourself, then you didn't have the right to mock or tease others.

"No homo right?" Takashi asked with narrowed eyes, while Naruto couldn't help himself.

"All of the homo... Yugioh Abridged Reference right there. Savour it Takashi... Yusei I mean. Just to let you know, you can be my wingman anytime... Kohta, play some sexy jazz music while I am Takashi stare longingly into each others eyes!" Naruto barked out an order, while the boy jumped at being called out so suddenly, before some of the others in the room were trying to hold back their laughter, and blushes, when Naruto leaned forward and put his hands on his chin and started to stare at Takashi.

"Dude, this is fucked up." Takashi said with an embarrassed blush on his face, while Naruto grinned.

"You know what else is going to get fucked up? You in like two minutes... kidding!" Naruto said as he started to crack up, before he stood up and hugged his girlfriend close to him and started to rub his cheek against hers. Takashi sighed in relief, while Naruto was kissing his girlfirned for a moment, before he whispered into her ear. "My room, ten minutes." Naruto whispered, and she turned cherry red, before she was frozen in shock. Naruto let go of her, before he turned slightly serious.

She punched him in the face.

"You idiot, there are a ton of _them_ outside and you seem like you don't even care!?" Saya shouted, making an excuse for herself so that she could turn around and hide her blush.

"... Saya, humanity is ALWAYS in some kind of danger. Demons trying to break out of Hell, supernatural forces trying to take over the planet, zombies, aliens, alternate dimensions, wars, starvation, murder. I have seen it all, and saved this world from more threats than I can care to count. I have complete faith though that humanity will pull through in the end, sure, the human race will be depleted to almost nothing... but it will rebuild over time... Mother Nature does something like this every once and awhile... I learned LONG ago that sometimes she has her own periods... this is a heavy flow right now." Naruto commented dryly. Despite how he acted, he did slightly care about the human race. He had just grown so uncaring over time about anything other than his own interests that he couldn't express his own care for his ex-race.

"You make it sound like mother nature exists?" Shizuka asked after a moment, that sticking into her head, with Naruto nodding.

"Yeah, she and I have a... complicated relationship. She and I go way back. At first it me borrowing from her, and then we would talk and she would ask me to do some things. Ocasionally NOT do some things, like turn an inactive volcano active, and then the relationship turned into Friends with Benefits... now... she wants the D and wants to try getting married after seeing me do it so many times with so many other women." Naruto explained like he was NOT telling them that he had sex with nature itself. Naruto was not that shy about his sexual experiences.

"... Is she hot?" Kohta asked, and Naruto knew at that moment he was going to like this boy.

"Hottest piece of ass you will ever see. She can even change her form, age... pretty much anything about herself actually. Damn, she also had a planets worth of stamina in the sack. One round of sex for us took about... 7 months for me to wear her down. No breaks, no stopping, just non-stop fucking. At one point we got Amaterasu involved, and that was a fun few days... heheheheh." Naruto said as he began to salivate just at the memory of the hot threesome those few days had been. Naruto was so into it, he didn't even notice the others looking at him like he had just blown their minds. Saya couldn't even hit him for this, she was just so shocked.

Naruto had sex with Mother Nature and the Goddess Amaterasu... at the same time. Even she had to admit that those were feats a person could be proud of.

"I kind of don't want to ask, but have to... is there anything you haven't done?" Rei asked, and Naruto nodded.

"I don't have sex with men or animals, and haven't done that." Naruto said with a serious expression. Everyone else on the other hand were chuckling nervously.

This guy has been at least 5 different gods, one of which was female, seen Jesus, had sex with Mother Nature and a Goddess, saved the world a few times... but he wouldn't have sex with men or animals?

Seriously, there is a limit to how much of a badass you can be.

Naruto broke that limit the second 7 months of non-stop sex was mentioned.

His baddass was off the charts.

_**Chapter End!**_  
_**Humor story, remember that.**_  
_**Please Leave Me Lots Of Nice Long Reviews, But NO Flames Please!**_


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